Falling Leaves
by Traci Miller
Summary: Renji takes a walk in Karakura Town on the anniversary of Ichigo's death. shounen ai, death, angst


Falling Leaves

By: Vamprina

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of it's characters, nor do I claim to. I am not making any money off of this fanfiction, it is purely for entertainment purposes only.

Warning: Shounen ai, death, angst

Pairing: Renji/Ichigo

Renji sighed softly as he walked slowly down the streets of Karakura Town. He got leave every year around this time to come and spend some time in the living world. He didn't necessarily like it here. He didn't hate it here, either. But, this was Ichigo's world. Or at least...it used to be.

He'd been so damn surprised when Ichigo had died in the war. He had always considered Ichigo to be his best rival and ever since he'd defied all the odds the first time he came to Soul Society...well, Renji had been stupid enough to think it was probably impossible for Ichigo to die before he wanted to. He'd had such spirit pressure, he was so full of life, determination, responsibility and loyalty. He would stop at nothing to protect his friends, to become stronger to make that easier. He had such a...powerful will to live that Renji hadn't thought anything short of old age would ever bring Ichigo down.

He'd lost a lot when Ichigo died. He'd lost a friend, a rival, a sparring partner...and he'd lost someone he'd cared for and loved very deeply. Not that he would admit that to anyone other than himself. Hell, he hadn't ever even told Ichigo about how he felt for him. Something that Renji regretted every moment of every day since Ichigo's death. He'd never truly been one for the whole 'should'a, could'a, would'a' type of thing, but this time...this time he couldn't help it. Things could've been different for them if he'd just told Ichigo about how he felt.

Sure, there was always the possibility, a very likely possibility, that Ichigo would've freaked out at the thought of Renji having any kind of sexual or romantic feelings toward him. It might've severed their friendship, even. He didn't think Ichigo would've let it do that, but there was the possibility. But, along with that, there was a small chance that Ichigo might've returned his feelings. And now he would never know and he would always wonder.

He had spent all this time thus far trying to find Ichigo again. Surely the orange-haired loud-mouth would show up somewhere in Soul Society, somewhere in one of the districts of the Rukongai. But, so far, he'd found nothing of him. Not a trace. So, he could only assume he hadn't shown up there yet. Of course, there was also the likelihood that there were just so many people in the Rukongai districts that he just hadn't been able to find him.

Either way, until he was able to find Ichigo again, until he was able to see him, speak to him, touch him again...he would come back here and walk the streets silently. He missed Ichigo the most when the leaves fell from the trees.

The leaves and the trees reminded him of Ichigo. Strong and sturdy and vibrant and then...just dead. But, even though the world was dying in preparation for winter, he knew that the leaves would grow on the trees once again and be just as vibrant as they were the summer before. Renji knew he'd see Ichigo again. He would make certain of it.

Still, as he looked upon the leaves of all different shades of red, brown and orange, falling from their tree limbs and swirling around him, some of them brushing against him as he walked, he couldn't help but feel sad. He mourned for Ichigo just as surely as he would if he knew he would never see him again for certain.

He imagined he could hear Ichigo's laughter on the wind, the sort he would hear at times when Ichigo would get him with a particularly good insult that Renji had managed to walk right into without even thinking. He smiled softly and tilted his head upward toward the sky a bit, shutting his eyes for a moment as he let the wind caress his face gently, imagining that perhaps it were Ichigo's hands or fingers touching him, telling him it would be alright, that he was still here and with him. That he wasn't truly gone and that he never would be. Telling Renji the things he already knew but so desperately needed reassurance for just the same.

That night as he crossed back to Soul Society he made sure to cross back over into the Rukongai district of 77, not having checked there for at least a couple of months. It took a while to get through each district over and over again. He had to be just as careful each time he went to one of the districts as he had been the first time he went out to search it. He had to search every face, street. And he wasn't going to stop just because it was the anniversary of Ichigo's death today. No, if anything that was more reason to search again.

He didn't have to go far when his senses were assaulted with a familiar spirit pressure. He turned, slowly, his eyes wide, holding his breath. There was no way...after all this time, he didn't expect to find him again tonight. Just as sure as he had been that he would find him, he had been sure that it wouldn't be anytime soon. And yet...

"Hey, what the fuck ya lookin at, Shinigami?"came an obnoxious voice, belonging to a boy looking exactly as he remembered Ichigo. This time the boy had his hands on his hips, staring at Renji as if the Shinigami robes shouldn't and didn't command any sort of respect from the members of the Rukongai, staring at him as if he'd never seen him before. Obscenely orange hair, spiky like he remembered, a smart-ass grin on his face that Renji felt the urge to wipe off of his face with a friendly and familiar scuffle.

"I-Ichigo...?" Renji asked, so softly that at first he was afraid the boy wouldn't hear him.

"Hey...how ya know my name?" Ichigo asked, moving into a more defensive stance, possibly without even realizing it. It wasn't uncommon for the members of the higher districts, especially, to distrust the Shinigami, just as they distrusted everyone else. It didn't pay to be too trusting and anybody could be an enemy, as was proven during the war. It was no secret that the people behind it had been Shinigami turned bad.

"I, uh...heard of ya. Name's Abarai Renji." He said, quietly, aware that he was still sort of staring, but he had to think of a way, and the faster the better, to keep Ichigo talking to him, to help him relax more in Renji's presence enough to agree to another meeting.

He'd finally found Ichigo again...and there was no way he was going to let him fade back into the crowd. There was too much of a chance that if he let Ichigo do that, he'd never see him again...

End


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